Wednesday, September 07, 2005
hmmm..today went for checkup and of cos i am at the lab again for my blood test..and surprisingly...i saw labby boy...he was inside the lab doing the tests...hmmm...however..i din get the smile he usually gives...hmmm..is it bcos of that incident that happened that made him not smile to mi anymore??i dunno too...i was very upset at that moment and of all times my md was playing jay's gui ji...and..made me felt even worse..hmmm...and as i waited for my test to be out..i was not feeling sad nor haapy..i felt so dead...hmmm...after seeing the doctor..i had to bring my form upstaris so that i can go back tml to drink those smelly chemicals..haiz..on the way i will walk pass the clinical lab and i saw him but i wasn't feeling anything..my heart beat at a normal speed and it felt real empty and dead..at that very moment i was clear that my heart's telling mi to stop and give up...hmmm..and i decided to give up on all and of cos labby boy whom i realli fell for...hmmm...i duno him at all but the special feeling simply came itself...hmmm...i made this decision that i make sure i dun fall for anyone anymore...and i oso made myself promise to ensure that i dun get into such things again...i felt heartbroken and depressed...hmmm..i duno if i made a correct decision but i noe i haf to get out immediately bcos...the cards are lying to mi..obviously...haiz...so from this moment onwards i dun like labby boy and not any1 anymore...i wan to be free from this torturing world of feelings....hmmm...i will continue to be the cheerful and outgoing menghiang cocolat...hmmm...well..i noe my frens would surely support mi de..rite??hmmm...anyway..i wih him happy forever..i noe he will never see this blog of mine..nd omg...y do sad songs always come by when i m feeling down..933 is playing yi lu xiang bei now...haiz..i noe i will never succeed in my love life..i am out of it from now on..i shall stay single forever...and live my life with my dream car...and my family and frens...hmmm....i din play maple today i din do anything that i owaz loved to...i need today the whole day to calm down and settle myself down to my normal self...i will update again when i feel rite..and when i m back to my ownself...the cheerful optimistic self...hmmm... =(labby boy:i fell for u without knowing it myself..but i noe ur smile attracted mi..my hrt races whenever i see u..but u nv notice mi at all...cos i m ugly...but i dun haf an ugly hrt...haiz..but its over...i wun let the incident ever happen again..even if u noe i was the one...i dun mind anymore...i will admit it..i like u but i m putting a stop...he will nv see the above...haiz..not long after i wun see him at all le...i wun be going checkups cos i will be inside...haiz...hoping for the cute smile he alwayz give...will he?? ))=shld i tell him about my feelings before i let it go???
i m so unsure..but i guess its best to not tell cos i might make him not even take a glance at mi...and i will take awy the smiles...
i will always keep his gentle smile in mi in mind forever..and ever....and oso the day he talked to mi..it will always be kept in the safe box in my mind and heart........
4:08 pm
