Laugh With ME.

Friday, October 21, 2005

hmmm...haiz..feeling nauseous since yst...hmmm...of the 11 chemical drinking session..only the lst drinking session i had fever...but i nv vomited for every session...however...yst..for my 1st time as an outpatient...i had fever..38.3...but it went down to 36.9 le...hmmm..and of so many times...first time i vomited and omg..yst was on the way home..and i was like controlling hard to not vomit..but...i still vomited..after vomiting..i was like omg...whole body no strength at all...hmmm...today woke up...felt like vomiting again but nv..cos controllable...hmmm...no appetite...hmmm..headache since yst..and whole body no strength...this is bad...hmmm...but maybe my cells are in a war...and of cos anoher is my wbc...its obviously not enuf but no choice..hope this time it will go down...cos nxt drinking session wil be last one and f the scan shows tt its clear or watever the doctor wants i will not need this drinking session anymore and proceed to the nxt thing i m suppose to do...hmmm...

haiz..bcos of wat happened yst and the ades and the bird flu thingy...my mama is worried..now she say its best i dun go out..cos i m weak and gets viruses easily..even i norm flu...hmmm..and tts wat all the nurses said too...hmmm..and the doctor oso gt say...hmmm...but is see how lorhz..cos now...seriously..my wbc is dropping like nobodys business..its getting lesser and lesser..hmmm...means y immune system is very weak to even protect mi from germs tt most ppl wun be affected by...hmmm...

hmmm...yst gt this guy who was there to get the bone marrow abstract...hmmm..thnk he 30 years old like tt ba..he shouted so loudly for the whole process..pengz...it scared lots ppl who were standing outside including my mama...hmmm..of cos din scared mi lahz..cos i tried b4 le....the feeling i noe best...hmmm...the shoutings made mama thot abt mi going for the abstract in april...hmmm...she was like haiz..felt the pian for mi..hmmm...watever tt i go thru..the pain and all..i will always say its nth lahz..its not painful at all..i m okie wif it..i can take it...its really nth...tts wat i owaz tell my family...hmmm..cos i dun wan them to worry...hmmm...well...to say the truth everything is bearable to mi...hmmm....but...to those who feel they understand and knows how we feel...u r wrong...wat we say makes u thnk its ok...but u nv went thru it b4...so dun thnk u r tt experience okie...although everyone goes thru things tt r very bad...but is it as bad as those laying in the hospital...we r the patients not u...when we go thru the hardship its worse den anything else in this world...hmmm....i hate ppl who tell mi hey understand how i feel..its rubbish...u dun at all...haf u ever tried having needles poking u everyday...haf u tried having straw liked needles screwing thru ur bone...if u tried b4...den i accept u saying u understand....if u nv tried b4 den dun come telling mi u understand...hmmm...

braveness comes from our inner self but facing such thing ppl r brave and wif great determination and perseverence bcos we r forced to be...hmmm....u haf no other choice..but to face it...so facing it u need courage....hmmm...hence we r brave to lots ppl out there....hmmm....actually i dislike ppl telling mi to stay happy and be brave...and bla bla.cos i m owaz cheerful and optimistic and i m not tt kind who cannot accept the fact...hmmm...i wun be going to the needles if i haven overcome my fear...i din go last yr bcos haven overcome the fear..i m afraid of the straw liked needle...tts y...however i overcomed it this yr on my birthday..cos on my birthday this yr...my body broke down...it cannot take those evil cells anymore..so i went to my doctor and she suggest i go immediately and dun risk my life..hmmm..and tt was how i was into sgh...hmmm...

i just want everyone to know tt...cherish everyone and everything in life..u nv noe whether u will live till the next day or wat..juz like wat i m now..i want mit my frens often bcos i dunno when will i live till...hmmm...i jst hope to have lots of good memories in case anything happens esp wif my family...hmmm...even him...even though he dun like mi but i still the cherish the times i haf gt wif him...cos they r good memories..u all will say choy choy nth will happpen...even though the doctor say the transplant will haf only 10 to 20 % risk but u nv noe how my body will react at tt time even though its my own stem cells...but they r cultivating it b4 giving it back to mi so the risk the doctor say is juz a predicton tt they themselves say they r not sure of the risk..hmmm...but i will fight till the end...hmmm....i wun let my mama worry and of cos my sis worry..hmmm...i dun bother if my papa...worries...cos since the day i started treament he din ever bother....he dun even bother to take care of himself when he knows its bad..and when he fall sick he dun even bother to get himself well when he knows i cun get the virus..hmmm...he just cough his way thru the hse....so fine wif mi den...hmmm...

love all my family and frens and.....him........

(",)

4:49 pm