Saturday, October 29, 2005
hmmm...today was a boring day...woke up late cos yst woke up early and was home very late....hmmm..was so tired yst...hmmm...now listening to canon in D..a classical tt i muz master one day..using my cello....hmm...dunno y today felt very very bored and in the afternoon...i suddenly felt very tired and had a very serious mood swing...to the extend tt i din wan tok at all..and i dunno why...juz felt like crying...hmmm...dunno y oso...lolz...hmmm..did a xin li ze yan recently..its about wat one desires noe...and mine was very true..it says wo de xin lei le...wants to find someone..like frens family or even lover to yi kao...to an ding the xin...hmmm..and its real true..i m emotionally tired...very tired...hmmm...i like to kip heart matters to myself and i never tells any family member about it cos i thnk i can solve my own problems...and after so much problems solving by myself...i am starting to cannot take it anymore...dunno y too...hmmm...i owaz force myself to not cry cos i thnk crying will weaken my strong will...so i nv let myself cry since the day i relied on myself...hmmm...dunno wats happening...hmmm...i kip my optimistic self and cheerful self...i hope ppl arnd me r owaz happy...i hope they will owaz thnk of the bright side of life...cos to mi..i m facing the darkest side of life..so i wan to look at the bright side..and i thnk its owaz good to look on the brighter side...hmm...y feel sad over someone or smth...it will only hurt urself not tt someone or tt thingy...hmmm...i was quite angry wif someone a few days ago but now come to thnk of it..i thnk forget it lahz...i owaz angry 5mins den hao le..i thnk i shldn't be angry...cos "ren rou qi wo..wo bu qi...wo rou shen qi zhong ta ji"...lolz...hmmm...so HAHAHA and everything is over...hmmm...hmmm...an lian hao tong ku...but i take it cos who asked mi like him lehz....hmmm...i wun tell him...ppl will say dun say will regret but i thnk dun tell den i wun regret cos i thnk its not a good idea..if i tell i will alot ppl beside mi into a very difficult position...hmm...so i shall let him live in hrt forever baz..hmmm..he is someone very nice and gentlemen...hmmmm...i nv met someone as good as him..and i dun thnk i will get to mit someone as nice le...hmmm...but he will nv be mine or nv be someone for mi to yi kao when i m in nd...hmmm..but i m fine wif everything..i juz hope he will be happy cos tt gal is not appreciating someone so nice in frnt of her...hmmm..and he muz be very sad i guess....hmmm...hmmm...seconds after seconds....minutes after minutes......hours after hours...den day after day....hmmm..life is juz like tt...we move as the earth revolves...hmmm....but we stop when we r tired...we stop when we mit someone who is going to pei u for the rest of ur life..den u wun be walking alone...hmmm...when u walk alone..u feel lonely..but y would one feel lonely...u haf frens and family to walk wif u...hmmm...but the lonely is the kind tt no frens or family can help..cos its the emptiness of the heart...hmm...longing for someone buthe is not the one??can i say tt..how would someone noe if tt person is the one.....actually one will noe...cos ur heart will tell u everything..but a despo heart wun tell u the truth cos u r juz trying to get someone for the sake of feeling up ur despo heart...hmmm...however...when one truly falls for someone...ur heart will tell u whether he is the one..however..ur heart will lie too...cos u r falling to deep to noe if he is the one...hmmm...many girls believe tt they will nv get to mit the one or their true love...i m one of them...i feel i will nv mit my loverboy...cos i m simply too ugly..no figure...too fat..and most imptly...i haf gt a bad character...hmmm...tts y...hmmm...i'll stop here...i thnk i wrote too much rubbish...hmmm... (",)
9:40 pm
