Tuesday, November 29, 2005
hmmm..well..came to blog cos maple gt urgent server check...hmm...it will take 30mins..or maybe more..who knows...hmmm...i fell for him..this timeits real...cos it is the diff feeling..it is a real like..instead of last time the kind..i m so different...last time i was like..oh like ah..orh..like...den?hmm..i was like its nth to mi..but now..its smth to mi..i felt the pain...i felt helpless..i felt emptiness..i simply felt useless...hmmm...it really hurts u noe..the pain tt u can feel..juz like when u gt cut..and it felt to mi a knife actually pierced thru my hrt..hmmm...afterall....i admit i like him alot...even though its alot..it is still different de like compared to last time..hmmm...even the sytle of him is not the style of the guys i owaz like...haiz..its different..the whole thing is different...hmmm....i dunno how explain it...hmmm...its juz different...i seem to be unable to control myself le..i seem like i will breakdown at any moment..i m lost in a maze...hmmm...i dunno why i will become like tt...i was nv like tt..NEVER!!i hate him at times...but i cun hide the truth tt i like him alot...fate brougth mi to mit him but fate is torturing mi....is this called fate when one suffers the pain...i haf had enuf physical pains..i dun wan anymore pain tt is from emotional side...it will be more painful and unbearable compared to....hmmm....am i suppose to gif up?or shld i go on?hmmm...i really dunno...someone told mi....zhen ai shi bu ke yi bei fang qi..so she said tt i shld not gif up...but if he doesn't like mi..is it counted true love?so wat if my feelings for him r the signs of miting ur true love..someone who makes u fall without turning back...but to him i m not the true love and to him i m nth...to him i m juz a pest flying arnd...isi tt it?i m nth to him..did he ever take notice of mi...i dunno....outsiders see more clearly..and some ppl already took notice tt i like him long ago..but he nv knew..cos he nv took notice of mi...i din hint..my eyes betrayed mi...and i guess ppl arnd wun see very clearly..hmm...if i nv had tt scar i might be able to confess..but i guess i will nv be able to do it again...i will definately breakdown when i tell him..i know it..i wun make it...haiz..its not mine..so it wun be mine...am i right to say tt..?so i shld gif up?and let go?and move on?but sis say..like den like lorhz..and i thnk..i can owaz like him even if he doesn't...but it hurts...but i dun mind..but i m tired...haiz...i m confused...i always feel tt i m irritating cos i thnk he will find mi irritating if i sms him...i dunno y..i will regret if i sent it out....haiz...i m really left wif only a day...a day whereby memories of him and mi will end...and i will haf no more chances...wat shld i do?haiz...i nv asked for help...and now i m really feel helpless...
5:59 pm
