Monday, December 05, 2005
today this entry has gt no title...bcos i dunno wat i shld put as the title...well..today is juz like the previous days...another bad day...juz so bad tt i realised alot of things arnd me...well....i woke up feeling down...and i dunno why..its not smth i can control so fine..hmm..and wat i realised was i actually had someone whom i thot know mi the most....undertsnad mi the most...whom until today den i noe she dun at all...someone i trusted....hmm...well...i cun choose this person as well...she dun even understand mi at all..all she thnks is herself...and she is being very unreasonable....everyone muz go wif wat she wants..and let her be...wat the hell....only she haf temper lahz..and she can haf mood swings and only she can haf bad mood lahz...win le lorhz....only she can gif attitude...wow....everyone arnds her owaz rang her...and she thnks she has the very right to be like tt...and thnks so great of herself...well...tts fine wif mi...i m at fault alrite....i din send tt msg purposely but dun thnk she believe..so fine lorhz..i say amth she would like to hear den..i di sent it purposely..happy wif it..?i din intend to send it to u..and i dunno why ur name was sent to..so fine...its heavens will...so its meant for u to see..and know wat i thnking...and i already ren so long le...i m oso a human being..someone wif emotions...i may be strong but there will time when i too nd a rest....hmm....oh well since she thnks tt only she nds rest..den alrite den...i dun rest..see if one day it becomes depression or watever....i can say wif 100%...ppl who nv go thru wat i went thru will nv understand how i feel...and not only this..someone who nv went thru the pain of one sided love too wun understand..i haf 2 things making mi suffocate right now...i cannot cope wif so much at a time okie...i m going mad le....sometimes i really feel like dying...however i alreay went thru so much...i dun wan gif up at this point..but sometimes i was thnking...if tt 6 days i cun pull thru den i will let go...i will not persevere le...i m really very very tired...i really wants to cry out loud soon..but i ren again...cos i m not going to let it flow so easily...hmm...well...i really dunno why....she is my sister...i respect her..i dun wan her worry..tts y i m putting up a brave front..but she dun noe mi at all...not at all....she definately say i m at fault i m the one who doesn't know wat she thnking...i m the one who is forever giving attitude and all...oh well den..i m a sinner so i shall continue to be one lorhz..i dun mind it...since i dun even noe if i will live tt long...so watever...let her scold all she wants..she might not get the chance nxt time...i dun even noe if i will able to pass the days i nd to....there is a small % tt cannot make it..and who knows i might be the small % of ppl...hmmm...anyway...i din do anything wrng for today....but if she insists i did den i did...the end of my entry...this is meant for her esp..but she dun read my blog if i m not wrng..so fine den..if ever she reads....maybe i m no longer arnd...or maybe i m....it depends on how long i m given to live from the day i was born...hmm...thanks to all my frens who stood by mi but i m sorry i let u all down..i m afterall not tt strong...but still i will help as much as i can...and thanks for all tt u all haf done for me...i noe u all care and i oso noe tt for my case no one can help but i still thnk u all actually helped mi alot..hmm...and i thanked my family too...hmmm....i did alot of things tt hurt them alot but i was so straight forward of watever i did in frnt of my family bcos i owaz thot they understand mi the most so i shld juz voice out...but it turns out tt i m wrng...and thanks for the care and concern from everyone and of cos him...his encouragement given to mi was of cos helpful but i m sorry to let u down as well..cos i m about to cannot take it...i m about to gif up le..hmmm...i m really feeling so tired tt i dun wan go on....hmmm...and i m sorry i m not cherishing my life for the very second now...i m looking on the bright side,...i m being optimistic..but at this moment...i dun see anything tts on the bright side of my life...
10:27 pm
