Thursday, January 05, 2006
hmm...today woke up at 9...den went haem centre to change my line to the small one...hmm..den cxr...den lunch den go home...den checked the net and slp...hmm...den woke and dinner and den watchec happy tree friends..cos i was so bored....juz changed my line...cannot mapl..cos maple den i will play for long hrs den will strain my hand..so hmm...rest a few days..and oso stop my addiction to it...its bad..lolz...hmm...well...actually din want blog one...but suddenly got alot of gan chu..but dunno how started saying...hmm...well...sometimes really ming yun nong ren...some things r meant to be forgotten but it simply flashes into ur mind....hmm...supposed to start wat i planned from the start of the yr...1st jan 2006...but lao tian ye zhen wo...it simply made it hard for mi...everytime i feel i m starting to get over a bit...he appears again...and *poommpp*...there...again deep for him...and den when i m back as 100% of liking him lotz...he disappears again..breaking my heart wif juz a word..hmm..and den again i tries to overcome it and fang qi...but den again...he appears wif juz a word....tong yao le wo de yi li...hmm....and this whole process repeats and making things very complicated and confusing for mi..cos some things r not mentioned..some feelings r left un said....everytime one "process" is over..things get more complicated...bcos we get a little better and a little worse..soemtimes a little better...and alot worse..sometimes...a little better and it remains...sometimes no better and gt worse..so its juz very confusing for mi...and i thnk he knows how i feel very well..but its juz not time yet for him to state it clear or maybe he doesn't want to make it clear..and juz wants mi to know it well tt i shld forget him...hmm...but...its not tt easy..for mi to forget him...unlike the pass...this feeling is different...dunno how describe...hmmm....a feeling tt its new to me...hmm....he changed my life....he stepped into my life and changed it and walked awy...leaving to survive myself in my dark corner of my world...hmmm....its not the lonely feeling...nor the alone feeling..its the feeling of being abandon...byy the one u loved alot...its a challenge to mi...if i get over it..i m sure i get even stronger den b4...hmm...i owaz thot i was a strong gal and of cos cheerful...i live up to it...and of cos...he will make mi even stronger...hmm...i shld thank him...even though he broke my heart every now and then...i m a step forward to giving up....soon...some things i am already able to let go...time will let mi get over him..and soon...juz another 4 mths....the very 4 mths tt i wun be seeing him..wun be toking to him...wun be msging him...and all...it will definately help i guess....and i m sure even if we talked..it wun change the amnt of time needed to let go...hmm...i m menghiang eh....no nan ren wun die de lorhz...wats gal power for...lolz...i owaz tell ppl "GAL POWER!!!!"...so i muz do it and den i can tell ppl tt ma..lolz...hmm..and life is nv boring if u add fun to it urself...it doesn't haf to be the play kind of fun..its juz how u look at it...correct??ur world too dull izit?add some colours...dun haf to be ppla dd colours to ur world ah..add it urself..enjoy ur own life....y muz depend on ppl...i m who i m....i depend on myself to live not others..so y let ppl control ur life..so i muz gif up on him..cos he is controlling my life emotionally..so i shld not let it go on...hahaz...hmm...of cos i m not saying tt having someone u like or having a bf is controlling ur life..its juz how everyone does it...if i m given the amnt of freedom i want...den i dun mind..but if u dun get any freedom emotionally esp..its bad..and physically..everyone wants freedom lahz..so not counted in my logic..lolz...hmm...to mi...most importanly...liking someone...u muz be not be controlled over by the person u love emotionally..if tts the case like wat i m going thru now..it will be torturing u..and its torturing mi...to extend tt u feel like crying evry single moment he appears and den disappear...hmm...and of cos i dun cry..i thnk crying means losing to urself and telling urself u r weak and u surrender...so i actualli din cried over such stuff for a long time le..i controlled myself well..lolz...i m crapping i noe....but bear wif mi..i juz feel like crapping..but actualli i thnk wat i say is logical...juz tt i thnk i dunno if u all will understand my way of saying..lolz...hmm....well...since i already made so many many many moves and he din make any obvious nor hint moves...means its over le ahz...hmm...wat happened r nth...its not any hint nor bla bla...so i thnk its really time to let go and move on..lolz..wat crap..i m moving on wat..if not i wun be a step forward to my "gif up plan"...lolz...so i m actualli moving but he is not at all...he is still stuck wif tt ex...so nvm lorhz...since tt gal is so much to him...den its obvious i will nv get a place in his heart...hahaz...so why be so stubborn about this...i m stubborn to everything i intend to do..but on such matters...its all about fate..so being stubborn wun help...lolz..so lalalalalal~~~~~lolz...hmm...okie okiez..i stop...i stop...i m being very long-winded and crappy..so i shall stop here..until the nxt crapping session..lolz..hmm...hohoho~~~~lalala~~~boo~~boo~~boo~~bang bang bang~~~pomp pomp pomp~~~eek eek eek~~~hahahaz...wth!!!lolz...smilez people!!!(=
9:56 pm
