Laugh With ME.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

well..here i am again...to update about my life...yes...obviously about my life..haiz....i am sick and its mc again...the 2nd mc of the week...i've been floating arnd since monday...not only because the medicine caused drowsiness...and plus plus plus...i don't haf enuf blood...according to the doctor...yes...meaning anemia...well..just like before...my blood nv was enuf...its normal...but i din expect myself to go floating for a wk..its terrible..the feeling is terrible...haiz..i hate it...last time i was in the hospital...i haf no worries and i was used to it...but the moment i stepped out with the doctors saying i recovered....i told myself i hate the hospital..i hate the smell..i hate the beds...i hate the toilets and i hate the chemo medication..those purple packets...those smelly medication..and i hate the feeling of being sick..haiz...and now i am feelin sick and i am having a bad mood...and its a constant one...

i am feeling stress...extremely...i haf no idea...i feel pressurised...i haf no idea why...i feel half dead....i cun feel the fun of living...i feel tired...I AM STRESS!!!!i feel like screaming...i seem to have depression...every little things ppl arnd me do...i feel sensitive about it..i dun feel gd about everything arnd me...i am having headaches everyday...i keep hearing ppl saying i am stupid...i keep hearing ppl saying bad things about me...i dun eat as much as before...and sometimes i eat and eat as if i haf nv eaten before...and everytime i do my tutorials...i cun concentrate and i seem to not know how to do every qns...i fee stupid and i start hearing stupid stupid stupid...i feel everyone hates me...i feel everyone is happy tt i am not arnd...i am going mad or am i already mad...

she scolds me for being sick...she scolds me for everything...even when i did quite well for the sprog test...she is not happy...she says tt mi being sick and all will cos her alot of problems...and she is scolding me...everyday....

i dun haf the urge to do anything...i dun feel happy over being able to go overseas...i dunno why...and i only know i feel like shouting out loud like a mad woman...exams are coming..its on wk 11...the entire wk...i know for sure i am dead...i dunno my stuff well and i am on mc..and nobody is thr to teach me..everyone is telling me they dunno....but they can do well for tt subject...its this called selfish...and why am i ebing so nice telling them things when they dunno...or am i simply mad....okie...whatever...but at least whn i am sick..i know who really cares and who don't...its obvious....its very very obvious...who are truly my frens and who are not...

even though my life is so precious after tt incident...however...i still feel like dying..i dunno why...but i noe i want die...i am feeling stress...i haf the thot of dying every now and then...i duno why...everything seems hard for me...and no one understands me...i am slow bcos of the treatment i had...but everyone dun seem bother...they dun want help mi with my sch work...sis teach me with the tone of unhappiness...she finds me stupid...she feels tt i cun do it when its simple..means i am stupid..so i am...

9:17 pm

Guten Tag! My name ist Ming Xian.

Ich first cried on 5th April 1988.
[Always 18!!!]

My Trademark ist "LIVE TO EAT!!!"

Ich LOVE to TRAVEL..SPORTS & my beloved cello. Roses are not special to me.Therefore i have the special love for SUNFLOWER,TULIPS & LAVENDAR.

Ich have cravings for food,shopping outing almost ALWAYS..however green peas are not my cup of tea FOR SURE!!! Ich have a dream to become a POWER ENGINEER.