Laugh With ME.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

hmm...bad day again...its been so long and everyday is bad for me...everything looks bad to me...BAD!!!

but...see...i must still look super refreshed and HAPPY!!...so yes..i am happy..happy...very happy...HAHAHHAHAHHA...i am laughing...yes i am..i am having a good mood..yes i am...brrr..

i am actively blogging recently..cos i am mad...see...i am...i know i am...haiya...feeling helpless...feel like finding some1 to just say everything i am unhappy and upset about..and give a big cry after keeping everything inside for so long..forcing myself to not cry is a must...always...cos if i cry...i am giving up...but haiz...maybe like ppl owaz say...sometimes..u must cry out...so u feel better...but...whenever i want msg anyone whom i thot of to talk to...i delete it even b4 sending...bcos i thnk i will irritate ppl..and i dun thnk there is anyone out there understanding how i feel...even though ppl say i am young and nv been thru much..but i did went thru some things tt not everyone went thru..and it changes the mindset of life...its like cherish all the time u haf..u nv noe which is the day u r gone to another way..applies to everyone...but ppl who went thru what i went thru will thnk of the death more than any norm person...bcos we haf fear...fear to be back..fear to leave this place..fear to suffer...its really omg...i dun want go thru that again...i am afterall not that strong..i bear with it for a year..and now its over..but its said and shown to me that its not secure...many of the ppl i noe are now back in thr...they recovered about the same time as me...haiz...and from many..its the experience..of coming back and okie..and back...and either okie or bye bye...hmm..how can i not be afraid..how can i not think about it...i want to enjoy as much as i can b4 anything happen...but u dun feel secure and peaceful..how do u enjoy....hmm..ppl will tell me to not thnk and enjoy and all and lots of their way to counsel and their thnking...but tts a thnking of a norm person...its diff...they dunno the feeling of the ppl who went thru..its...nothing can describe...u haven finish saying...u can feel watery eyes...the feeling of the going die feeling..did u all try b4?maybe u say u did...but as a person who suffered from smth tt really will die...the feeling is different...i really felt that way..i thot that will be the last time i see the world...it was...haiz..now over ppl will say dun go talk about it...but how to...when after a while..i receive msgs from ppl telling me they r back in there....haiz..

for my O's...i am posted the timetable and school...its tkss...near my hse..just walk thr can le..gd..hmm...but i am not prepared...busy with current school thingy..but will try my best...like he said...at least u tried....if u dun...not even a percent of chance..hmm..

july 3rd...grading test...haiz...so many things still dunno..and cun do..cos of my bu fang bian...any "accident"...and i am xia swaying myself..hmm..i still somehow cun overcome tt..so..hmm...

hmm...actually thru my 18 yrs of life..i am glad i met many gd ppl...actually everyone is gd lahz...temper attitude everyone has it..so hmm..just like sure gt lots ppl dislike me..bcos my attitude is bad...my temper is bad..so...hmm..or maybe ppl find that i am too too too noisy causing the an irritating environment..hmm..so ya..hmm..

anyway...I AM HAPPY...yes i am...lalala....very..WOOOO~~~~hahahaz...okie the end.

11:26 am