Okie..yst 29/5/09 was a great day for me.Its my graduation ceremony.Mummy,PaPa and Sx attended. Took many pictures with my classmates and other friends in sp and lastly my favourite lecturer mrs lee mei lai (=..It was an exciting day for me..and tiring too..caise of the warm weather..the robe is like some extreme thermal wear..and my high heels..Sx shld be as tired cause he is my photographer of the day..as well as helping my friends..

Today..30/5/09...met up stella at tanjong pagar and went to cineleisure to meet sis and sx..we went to kbox!!! okie finally i got to sing..esp my husband's song..JIE LUN!!!wooo!!! okie..was like a mad woman inside the room shouting and all..den at 5 plus the person came in saying its the last song..and we just said okie and continued singing..till another person who came in and said its our last song..haha..and we continued..and finally someone came in and said..our time is up..so we were like okie haha and we left for bugis to have fish soup..the super nice tasty one..together with the salted raddish tofu..when we just started eating all the delicious food..it was raining heavily outside..haha..

So...after the rain and dinner..we headed over to bugis junction and started shopping..although we didn't really shop but we bought something..a lock that is like a key chain..and a book..and we went to food republic to have coffee...we were too tired...hmmm..and then came a bunch of young ppl mixed with old looking ones..but main thing is not about their age..its abt their fashion sense..horribly awful and making ppl feel like stars were all over ur head..stomach churning with the feeling of indigestion and nausea..

Okie..it sounds really extremely over exaggerating but its just a mere description to let ppl imagine how bad they wore..and then we headed home..thats all for my day and updates..

Hmm..now blogging for another reason..because i have many things running wild in my mind..some random thoughts and all after looking at stuff and all..

Hmm..how do things really seem to be?How do you really know if somebody cares for you?And how do you know if the words meant nothing or simply whether your trust is worth all the things u did..with all ur effort yet feeling lost and sad and jealous..and maybe disappointment...

In one of the show i watched..it said.. 男人说谎是为了让自己好过..女人说谎是为了不让对方难过..i don't know about what others feel about this but i myself believe in this because to me its true..

So what if you have lots to talk about..if the things you talk is just what is between two friends..is this considered smth that helps to lessen the communication barrier between two parties?Saying i care for you and i love you..its just a form of expression..isn't it...how much can those words be true or how much can u believe in it..is it within ur control?

Actions speaks the most..true it should be but is everything in this world something that actions can represent or replace..some things cannot be spoken by action..so how?Does this conclude that trust is very important?

Okie..maybe you trust ur bf alot..if one fine day..the trust is broken..because he did smth bad..then you will be heart broken and have this problem trusting people...is it like this?Not really maybe..However..if you trust and love ur bf alot...but one day...u see things..u see him caring for somebody else more than u..both of u are right in front of him..but he only see the other person..both are unwell yet he only realise the other gal and not you..what are you going to do?I see nothing can be done..

So..what?breakup cos u feel u r no longer impt and tt ur bf gave all attention to another gal...is this the way?Yes?No?Which is the perfect answer?

There is no perfect answer..because the answer is ur decision..crap..

How about u seeing ur bf looking at another gal at times or most of the times..and u caught him but u kept quiet...and that the entire day he didn't notice or bother about u much...? Feeling of being left out..upset..and?nothing can be done...he told u to trust him have confidence in him but his actions are not making u trust him nor let u have confidence in him..then how??

Maybe you are starting to trust and have confidence ready but this happened..then everything crushed..can all the trust and confidence be built again??No idea..

Hmmm...above is smth that came across me recently..

Anyways..having lots to talk normal and with the record of chatting on the fone for 5 hours...so what? It doesn't make a difference anymore..so what if we chatted nicely and had a great day yst..so what if i have got the that confidence and trust..SO WHAT!!! Problems said to be solved because of that trust and confidence..but to let them all disappear is so much easier than getting them back..sensor lousy..i don't think so..that it is really so lousy to that extent that you do not sense that i was feeling unwell..so what if i am just right beside you..it only makes me feel that i am insignificantly nothing..

So next moment i will tell you oh nvm its okie..i am fine..and tell this whole lots of rubbish and lies to you and myself..and then hiding in my bed feeling upset..having insomnia...all this is my shit..i can clear them myself..good enough...the bad tempered..unreasonable..lives best alone..even if u knew i am not okie..so what? wake up and everything seems fine right..because i will be back to normal to make you feel okie..simply because i don't want to spoil ur day or make u unhappy...so all problems will come one fine day..and then?

All "happily" created by myself are the problems that is claimed that i have to trust and have confidence in you..so i shall take your perfect advice...one day i had all of this..you became super impt to me..in 24hrs..all smashed..as impt but with no confidence..

Female..ladies whatever..no confidence no trust..why? Because they don't trust themselves too..they have no confidence in themselves that their partner will see them as special as right from the start..partly caused by the man..because they will tell you this " i still love you as much as at the start"..what does this mean? It means from the start up till now..the love is the same..nv grow..is it?

Okie..i being unreasonable..will talk some sense now..as impt..and not let go because..as i think back..okie...got care got effort got try..but after awhile..the care and effort anf try fades off slowly to become very little..why?becuase tired?because don't seem to need it now?because things seem to be okie?

I don't understand..really don't understand..i am not good at words..and i better at being the bad and nasty person..so what if i changed to be nicer and talk nicely and nicer..less temper..got use..don't have..still insignificant..tired..you get tired..okie..i am too..i don't have that energy..i don't like this kind of things..i don't like to have things that kills me badly emotionally..and then acting like i am super high..excited and happy..what for? i can always be myself and let all know i am not happy..why shld i act like i am so happy..because ppl will be unhappy too..when they see unhappy faces....

Knowing so little..understanding so minimal..i am disappointed..and never seem to be able to do well and give more..and never capable of being understanding..total failure...