I need a hiding place..a place where i can run away from everything..a place i can break free of myself..a place where it can numb your feelings..

Nobody to talk to..except myself..asking myself questions that i have no answers to...

The cool cool outside failed on me..i can't hide myself anymore..i am just another weakling..uncontrollable emotions..crying out doesn't work..because i cried too much...the tears dried up..too sad..too hurt...too pain..no more tears flowing but with the eyes feeling painful...

The super huge appetite of mine..died out...no more energy...no appetite..instead..i feel like puking when i smell food..

I am never fit enough to do too much exercise and running..esp when my heart problem worsen...but its the only way to vent it out..so i force myself to run everyday..unless on training days..i have no mood for anything..not for the one day camp tuesday..not for the other one day camp on friday..and definately in no mood for lecture on friday..

Is there a book that teaches people how to move on..and let go...is drinking included as a remedy..or maybe just awhile to numb myself...

I want to move on..but i am stucked..rooted to the ground..i cant find my heart...it vanished into thin air..i am tired..i dont understand why people simply tell me to find another one...so what if there are many to choose from out there...so what if they treat me even better than what he did..does that mean that i will be able to move on and like tt person..sigh...it is so difficult..

My friend once told me this..."when u just break up with the one u love alot..and u are feeling empty....and if someone approach u and help and treats u very well..u will definitely be moved and thinks tt this one is better...which might end up as a wrong kind of like..."....He said i must never fall for the one giving the helping hand when i am trying to recover my broken heart...only when u recovered ready and the mutual feeling comes then it will be the right one..

I am suppose to remember this so that i do not go for anyone out there....

Where is the exit..where do i head to...if walking on will lead me to another heart breaking place...what do i do...

To leave your protection..and your support...its so difficult....i am scared...i have no courage..before everything i told myself that this will be the last one and now its the end...and it shall be the last..

i shall stay in hall and numb myself..i feel relieved that i have hall 7...at least i can hide there...so that nobody knows what happen...